[fic] the sun will rise pt 4
May. 13th, 2011 08:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leonhart_17Title: The Sun Will Rise
Chapter: 4 of 3 - Epilogue
Rating: PG-PG-13
Pairing: Willow/Tara (also background Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya)
Disclaimer: Don't own the show, the characters, or the song the title is taken from.
Notes: This one was written from a request on FF.net.
Summary: When Giles leaves at the end of 'Tabula Rasa', Willow goes with him, desperate to change, but leaving Tara, Buffy, and the others behind to live without her... *AU season 6*
The day of Buffy's release from the hospital was made that much better as they received word that Warren had been caught trying to flee town. Buffy agreed to come by the police station on her way home and issue charges against him. Anya barely let them get out of the hospital's sliding doors before she brought them all back to task on her wedding. Plans had been stalled and pushed back since Willow's departure six months earlier, Xander citing his best friend's absence as a reason to wait since he wanted Willow to be present. It had been frustrating the ex-demon, but now that Willow was home, she wasn't going to be put off any further.
The rest of the Scoobies accepted her frenzied renewal of wedding planning with minimal complaining, and she had the wedding back on track in three months. Willow was standing up as Xander's best man, the others standing up with Anya, though they all had been forced into the hideous dresses the bride had chosen.
Thankfully, they didn't have to wear them to the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. The dinner was much nicer than the normal Scooby dinner, Anya insisting on the extravagance of a night out with everyone in their formalwear. Willow even surprised them during the second course with a toast to the bride and groom, her voice steady as she spoke of friendship and loyalty. And being Xander's best friend since kindergarten, she noticed when his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.
He jumped when she cornered him as he was exiting the bathroom. "Will, you shouldn't sneak up on a guy like that!"
"What's wrong, Xander?" she asked bluntly. "I saw your face when I talked earlier. Is there something wrong with what I said?"
He shook his head without looking at her. "No, it was a good toast. Thank you for doing that." He gestured behind them toward the dining rooms. "Should we go sit, or did you come down here to…" He indicated the bathroom.
"I want you to tell me what I said wrong," Willow said insistently. "Talk to me," she pleaded. "You don't talk to me since I got back. Not really." He didn't say anything, and she sighed. "Xander, I talked to you when I was in England. More than I talked to anyone else, I talked to you. Now I'm home and you can't say more than five words at a time to me."
"You left us, Willow," he said suddenly, his eyes still avoiding hers. "You left Tara. You left Buffy and Dawn." He sucked in a shuddery breath. "And you left me. You're my best friend…"
"Xander…"
"No, you wanted me to talk, so I'm talking," he cut her off. "It hurt, Willow. It hurts that you could just pick up and leave us without looking back. And you're right! We talked when you were in England! And I know the magic isn't my thing, but I would do anything to help you. You know that! But you didn't ask! You didn't ask me, or Buffy… Hell, Will, you didn't even ask Tara! You just ran! You needed us, and you just left." His shiny patent shoes dragged across the smooth tiled floor. "It just hurts to hear your stand up and talk about friendship and loyalty when you couldn't ask your best friends for help."
Willow had her eyes squeezed closed when he finally looked at her, the witch holding one hand against the wall to steady herself. "Willow…"
"No," she cut him off. "You're right, Xander. I didn't ask for help when I should have. I should have trusted my friends, the people that I love more than anything, to help me. I'm weak and selfish, and I'm sorry." She met his apologetic eyes with teary greens. "You'll never know how sorry I am, Xander."
"I know you are," he agreed. "I am too. But…" She gave him a shaky nod, prompting him to continue. "I think the worst part is that you didn't want to come home. You told Tara you weren't ready, but then you're here the next day, and you're staying, but if you didn't want to be here in the first place…"
"Xander, I wanted to be here every single day since I left!" Willow cut in. "And, you're right, I came home suddenly… to save Buffy's life. And I didn't think I was ready, but now that I'm here, with Tara, and Buffy, and Dawnie, and you…" There was a pointed edge in her voice. "I can't leave again." She blinked and tears broke slowly down her cheeks. "I thought I wasn't strong enough to stay, but I'm not strong enough to leave either." He took a hesitant step forward and she seized the lapels of his jacket to bury her face in his chest. "I need your help, Xander," she admitted hoarsely. "I need you to keep me strong."
"Strong enough to go?" he asked reluctantly. It wasn't what he wanted, but if it was what Willow needed, then he would do it.
Her head turned from side to side against his chest, her ear pressed to his thumping heart as she stilled. "Keep me strong enough to stay. Please." She looked at him, the sincerity clear in her eyes. "Don't let me run again. You guys deserve better than having to clean up my mess again. Tara deserves to have a partner that doesn't run out on her. Xander, don't let me go again."
His arms pulled her in tighter against him, his lips pressed to her hair. "I won't," he promised. "I love you, Will."
"I love you too," she said, giggling through her unsteady tears. "I told myself I wasn't going to cry at the wedding!"
He shrugged, squeezing her gently. "This is the rehearsal dinner," he reminded her. "Cry all you want."
It took her another second to regain control of herself, dabbing her eyes with the handkerchief he provided. "Thank you," she said sincerely and it was clear on her face that she wasn't just thanking him for the tissue.
"Anytime, Will," he agreed, voice hoarse with emotion. They stayed still, giving Willow a few minutes to calm down, and she wasn't expecting him to speak again. "I wasn't sure I could do this…"
"Do what?" she asked, wiping her tears away with the back of her fingers. "Cheer me up while I cry in a hall? I'm pretty sure you were a pro at that after the first grade," she joked.
"Get married," he corrected her, flinching when her wide green eyes met his.
"Xander…this is big. The wedding is tomorrow…"
He nodded, swallowing hard. "I know."
"Anya…Xander, this will kill her," Willow said, her brow furrowing.
"I know that! I said I wasn't sure!"
"What, and now you are sure?" she asked, starting to pace unconsciously. "Just like that?"
"You left, Willow! You left without saying anything, you know!" She flinched back from the bluntness, but he sighed and squeezed her shoulder. "I'm not saying it to make you feel bad. I'm trying to explain." She gave him a nod, not speaking. "I've been…having doubts for a long time, Will. And maybe I'm just as bad as you were because I didn't say anything. I could have spoken up a million times now and I haven't. Because I love Anya. I love her!"
"I know you do," Willow murmured.
"I love her and she wants to get married," he continued. "And I want her, for the rest of my life. That's what I want!"
"Then what's the problem?"
"What if I can't hack it? What if I can't make her happy? I've been so afraid, for months now! But then you left…" The witch frowned, wondering how her abandoning her life in Sunnydale could have possibly helped him with his dilemma. "And…I saw what it did to Tara," he continued slowly, obviously hesitant. Willow sucked in a shaky breath as she choked down fresh tears. "It was killing her, Will. Every day chipped another little piece of her away. And I know it was doing the same thing to you," he said, hating the pain in his best friend's eyes. "Because you are part of each other. She's half of you."
"More than half," Willow whispered shakily, grateful when Xander pulled her back into his chest. "She's everything."
"I know that, Will," he assured her softly. "That's what made it so clear for me. Anya's my Tara. I need her."
"Word of advice then," Willow said hoarsely. "Don't ever leave her. I've had more chances than I deserve."
He chucked, the sound rumbling in her ear against his chest. "I'm marrying her tomorrow," he said, voice strong and steady. "I just don't know who I am without her. And I don't want to ever find out."
"I'm glad my cautionary tale could help," Willow said, sniffling as she hugged him.
"I know you guys are still working on everything, but I'm glad it has a happy ending," he said, tilting his head down to kiss her hair.
Willow squeezed him tighter, grateful for his steady support. She sniffled, laughing unsteadily. "You're going to make me cry again," she croaked.
"Don't want that," he said, rubbing her back soothingly. "Have I told you that you look pretty tonight?"
"No," she said, still working to control her tears.
"Well, you do."
"Just wait till you see what your wife has got us wearing tomorrow," she advised him. "I'm your best man! How come I couldn't be in some kind of dashing tux or something?" she demanded.
He laughed, leaning back to grin. "This is Anya's show! You know that! We already pushed it back three months! I'm not going against her again!"
"Not even married yet and you're already whipped!" she complained. "So sad…" However, at that moment she caught the sound of her own name from Tara's lips and straightened up, both hands working to fix her makeup.
"Mm-hmm," Xander murmured with a smile. "And I'm the one who's whipped," he said, shaking his head. "It's a sad state of affairs."
"Shut up," Willow said, shoving his shoulder just as Tara appeared in the hallway.
"We were looking for you two," the blonde said, looking between the pair. "Is everything okay?" she asked, able to see the evidence of Willow's crying.
"I'm going to go before Anya comes hunting for me," Xander said quickly, squeezing Willow's shoulder before he moved around her. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "Tux or no, you're the best best man a guy could ask for."
He gave Tara tight smile as he moved around her and left the two of them alone. "Sweetie, are you okay?" Tara asked again, drawn closer helplessly.
Willow nodded without speaking, swallowing back further tears. Tara slowly wiped a tear from her cheek, other hand finding Willow's, Xander's handkerchief still in her fingers. "Come here," Tara coaxed. "We'll get you cleaned up." She led them into the women's bathroom, running water and carefully wiping the redhead's cheeks. "There's my pretty lady," she whispered as she finished, pleased to get a smile in response.
"Tara…" Willow's voice was hoarse and she cleared her throat. "You know how much I love you, right? Because I thought I did, but then it just gets bigger. All the time. Every minute. It's…unbelievable."
The blonde nodded, smiling sweetly. "Of course I do. It's the same way for me, Willow."
"And you know how sorry I am, don't you? About everything…"
Her lover's voice was cracking, and Tara stopped her words with two gently fingers on her lips. "Of course I do. Willow, what is this about?"
"I never want to hurt you again. I could never leave you again. Once was too much! I wanted to be strong for you, but I'm not strong enough to leave you again," she confessed, knowing that she was rambling.
Tara sucked in a surprised breath. "You want to leave?" she asked, hearing her heart pounding in her head. "Because I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't let you slip through my fingers again, so if you're g-going to leave, I'm not just going to s-stay here and w-wait this time," she said, hating the stutter in her voice, but gratified that she'd said it all without stopping. "I'm n-not losing y-you again."
Willow shook her head immediately. "No! No… Tara, I couldn't leave you again." She blinked, feeling fresh tears fall. "I love you." Anything else she was going to say was cut off as Tara kissed her, fingers in her hair pulling her closer. She took the opening Tara gave her, arms slipping around the blonde's waist as she clung to her.
"I'll fight to keep you," Tara breathed into a gap for air, her back thumping against the wall as they stumbled backward and collided with the flat surface.
"That's hot," Willow gasped, surprised to realize that she was smiling into the kisses. Abruptly the mood changed, still a touch desperate, but desperate to be closer rather than desperate to keep the other from going. "We're making out in a bathroom," Willow pointed out in between kisses. "At Xander's wedding rehearsal."
"Want to go back?" Tara asked, giggling.
"Not yet," Willow said, capturing her lover's lips again. "I can't get enough of you."
"Back at you." The kisses were breathless and fast, Willow's lips moving to Tara's jaw and neck as they grew short on air. Tara held her girlfriend to her neck for a brief moment before she reluctantly pushed back on her shoulders. "Wait, hon, we can't go back to the table with hickeys," she reminded her lover breathlessly.
Willow shifted her kisses back to Tara's lips, though the pace was less frantic than before. "I love you, Tara. And I'll never run again. I swear," Willow breathed into her neck as they broke the kiss to catch their breath before they had to rejoin the table.
"I love you too," Tara whispered, combing her fingers through long red hair. "If you ever run again, I'll just go with you."
Willow lifted her head with a dazzling smile that made Tara's heart pound again. "Deal," the witch agreed. She took another short, soft kiss. "Now, as much as I want to stay in here with you, this is still a bathroom at a restaurant and I want to continue this at home, so we should get back to the party."
"Good plan," Tara agreed, cupping Willow's face in one hand and smoothing her thumb under the redhead's eyes.
Their gazes stayed locked for a moment longer, Willow finally blinking to break the spell. "I love when you look at me like that, but I really can't handle it right now, here in this bathroom…" she admitted, feeling the helpless pull between herself and Tara. It was a pull that she never wanted to fight again.
"At least it's a nice bathroom," Tara mused, smiling as she felt the flush on Willow's cheeks renew itself under her hand. "But you're right," she said, letting her hand drop to the top of Willow's chest to hold her at a safe distance. "We're missing the party, and you're coming home with me tonight, so we should get out of here."
Willow nodded, sucking in air desperately. She cleaned up her face again, taking Tara's hand as they left the bathroom together. The others knew perfectly well where they'd been, and had more than a hunch what they might have been doing, but even Anya restrained herself from making a comment, distracted as she was by chattering endlessly about the wedding.
The other women weren't eager to wear the hideous dresses the ex-demon had chosen, but none of them wanted to dampen her enthusiasm the next day and they kept their mouths shut about the clothes.
However, even the matching ugly dresses couldn't stop them all from enjoying the ceremony and reception. They'd done their jobs, gotten the couple married off, and were enjoying the free food and drinks. Willow was chatting with Buffy at their table, Dawn having dragged Tara off to dance. Though the Slayer couldn't help laughing at her friend's obvious distraction, the witch constantly sneaking glances over Buffy's shoulder to watch Tara. "Are they dancing sexy or something?" she asked, taking a sip of her wine. "Should I be watching them too, or is it something I don't want to see?"
Willow blushed, rolling her eyes as she shifted her gaze from her girlfriend to her best friend. "Ha ha," she said flatly. "You're hilarious."
"Thank you," Buffy responded happily, grinning. "You were being all distracted by your girlfriend, and we were talking."
"Okay, fine," Willow agreed, faking longsuffering and giving the Slayer exaggerated attention. "What were we talking about?"
Buffy shrugged, still grinning. "I dunno." She laughed when Willow sent her an exasperated look. "If you want to dance with her you should just go dance with her. Dawnie won't care. She'll probably make that high pitched little squealing noise she makes whenever she sees the two of you together."
"Xander's family wouldn't really appreciate that audio or the visual," Willow pointed out, taking a sip of her own drink.
Buffy glanced over her shoulder at the milling crowds, the drinks successful in convincing the two halves of the wedding guests to mingle, only a few minor scuffles that had decreased as the night went on and everyone grew looser from the alcohol. "They don't seem to mind Tara and Dawn dancing together." She smirked at the witch. "Of course, you and Tara together isn't exactly like Tara and my sister dancing together."
Willow shot a look at her, eyes narrowed. "I would think not," she agreed mildly, watching the girls laughing as they danced to the music. The upbeat music faded and a slow song started.
"I think that's your cue," Buffy prompted, giving Willow a smile as she reached over and took the glass from the witch's hands. "Go get her," she said, nodding toward the dance floor as the redhead just stared at her.
Willow stood up and cut across the crowded room, surprising Tara with her proximity when the blonde turned around. "Hey. I was just coming to find you," Tara said, giving her a happy smile.
"Not that hard to do in these neon dresses," Dawn said, laughing as she skipped off into the crowd.
Tara gave their young friend a confused glance, attention drawn back to Willow as the redhead held up one hand. "Dance with me?" Willow requested sweetly.
"Of course," Tara answered, taking her hand and letting Willow lead them back onto the floor.
The steps were slow and Tara curled both arms around the redhead's shoulders. "You're beautiful," Willow murmured. "Even in these horrible dresses."
Tara laughed, fingers trailing through Willow's hair. "Well, thank you, sweetie. You're looking pretty good yourself."
Willow looked down at herself and laughed. "You really must love me," she said teasingly. "Cause you're not a liar, but this dress might be the most unflattering thing anyone has ever worn…"
"I guess I really love you, then," Tara agreed, kissing her softly. "How are you feeling?" she asked as they separated, Willow leading them through a turn.
"Feeling? I'm fine. Is there some reason I shouldn't be?" Willow asked, blinking at her in surprise. It had been a long three months, rebuilding their relationship from the ground up, but they were more solid now than they'd ever been, even after the night before and the small misunderstanding.
Tara shook her head, smile crooked and soft. "No, Willow. One of your best friends just got married. I'm just wondering how you're doing."
Willow smiled, twirling Tara suddenly, both of them laughing as they continued dancing. Xander and Anya were on the floor with them as well, the former demon having been convinced not to abandon the party entirely, though they had snuck out several times throughout the evening. "I'm happy for them," Willow said genuinely. "A little bit jealous too, I guess. If I'm being honest."
Tara shook her head as they turned. "Jealous of what?" She wasn't concerned about Willow's loyalty, but curious about her lover's meaning.
"He got to marry the girl he loves," Willow answered. "I want to too."
Tara blinked blue eyes, the smile growing on her face as her heart picked up its pace. "Well, have you asked her to marry you?" she asked, gratified when her voice didn't tremble. "Maybe she wants to too."
Willow gave her an intrigued look. "You think she might?" She spun Tara out again, sighing as the blonde returned to her and let their bodies press together, filling the space they'd kept between them previously with softness and warmth.
"I definitely think she might," Tara answered, breathing the words straight into her ear as Willow's arms curled around her waist to hold her close. Formal dance steps stopped and they were just swaying.
"Really? Well, what do you say?" Willow asked.
Tara laughed, shaking her head. "No, no way…" she denied with a wide smile on her lips. "That was not a proposal, Willow Rosenberg!"
The redhead grinned, giggling. "What do you want me to do then, sweetness? Want me to get down on one knee right now? Because I will… You just have to promise that you won't say no because I'm wearing this awful, awful dress!"
"No," Tara said, still laughing. "You don't have to do anything fancy."
"But better than 'what do you say?'" she guessed with a toothy grin.
"Yes, please," Tara murmured, her fingers trailing up and down the back of Willow's neck.
The redhead's grin became a tender smile. "I can definitely do that," she promised. "I already have a ring, you know…"
"How would I know that?" Tara asked with a laugh, shaking her head as she leaned forward to rest her head on Willow's shoulder, still touching her absently as they swayed.
Willow shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe you found it or something… It's been in there for a long time."
It took her a moment, but Tara lifted her head in surprise. "Wait a second… It's been where for a long time? And how long, exactly?"
Willow realized her misspeak, eyes wide. "Um…never mind?" she tried hopefully. "Forget I said that, please?"
"Did you buy me a ring a long time ago? But not more than nine months ago, right?" Tara asked in disbelief. Willow didn't answer vocally, but her answer was clear on her face. "And is it hidden in our bedroom? Where I lived for six months and never found it? Where on earth could you have hidden it?"
Willow shook her head. "I'll never hide anything from you again, but I'd rather not answer those questions," she requested.
Tara arched an eyebrow at her, lips pursed. "One answer?"
The redhead hesitated, nodding finally. "Okay," she agreed. "What would you like to know, my love?"
"How long have you had a ring?" Tara asked.
Willow swallowed, expecting that question, but not particularly wanting to answer it. "A little over a year," she mumbled, her face falling to look down.
"What?" Tara asked, surprised. Her hand rose to push Willow's head back up gently. "Sweetie, really?"
Willow nodded, feeling embarrassed. "Who knows? Maybe if I hadn't had to leave, we could have beat Xander and Anya down the aisle…"
"You've wanted to get married for that long?" Tara questioned, neither one noticing that they were no longer moving.
Willow coughed on her dry throat, blinking. "Well, we haven't even covered if you want to… I'm not really interested in marrying anyone else, just you."
Tara considered her without speaking. Of course she wanted to marry Willow, but she didn't want to pressure the redhead in any way. "It's the same for me," she said softly. "But only when you're ready." She smiled soothingly as Willow met her eyes. "You've had the ring for a year already, right?" Willow nodded sheepishly and Tara leaned in slowly. "Then take your time. Another year, another few years even, won't matter in the long run. We've got our whole lives together."
Willow started to close the gap, whispering against her lips. "Tara, marry me." She kissed her before the blonde could answer, the kiss slow and soft while Tara's hands rose to curl into red hair.
Dawn elbowed Buffy as the Slayer was drinking, causing her sister to send her a look. And then she noticed the witches kissing on the dance floor, and she couldn't help smiling.
"We're leaving to have sex now," Anya announced as she and Xander joined their little group.
"Don't you mean 'again?'" Dawn asked, smirking at the carpenter.
Xander blushed, shoving the teen's shoulder lightly. "Looks like we're not the only ones, either," he pointed out, indicating the still kissing pair.
"It's nice," Buffy declared, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched the proceedings. The party was winding down, but their group was still in the midst of the chaos of drunk family members trying to find the door. "Everyone is where they're supposed to be."
There was no disagreement from anyone. They'd all had to deal with what felt like more than their fair share in the last year. But they were all here, at Xander's wedding, together and, if not whole, working diligently on it. Xander was married, Buffy and Dawn were growing more accustomed to their lives together without Joyce, and Willow and Tara were whole and happy.
They didn't know what was coming next, but at this moment, life was perfect.
Chapter: 4 of 3 - Epilogue
Rating: PG-PG-13
Pairing: Willow/Tara (also background Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya)
Disclaimer: Don't own the show, the characters, or the song the title is taken from.
Notes: This one was written from a request on FF.net.
Summary: When Giles leaves at the end of 'Tabula Rasa', Willow goes with him, desperate to change, but leaving Tara, Buffy, and the others behind to live without her... *AU season 6*
The day of Buffy's release from the hospital was made that much better as they received word that Warren had been caught trying to flee town. Buffy agreed to come by the police station on her way home and issue charges against him. Anya barely let them get out of the hospital's sliding doors before she brought them all back to task on her wedding. Plans had been stalled and pushed back since Willow's departure six months earlier, Xander citing his best friend's absence as a reason to wait since he wanted Willow to be present. It had been frustrating the ex-demon, but now that Willow was home, she wasn't going to be put off any further.
The rest of the Scoobies accepted her frenzied renewal of wedding planning with minimal complaining, and she had the wedding back on track in three months. Willow was standing up as Xander's best man, the others standing up with Anya, though they all had been forced into the hideous dresses the bride had chosen.
Thankfully, they didn't have to wear them to the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. The dinner was much nicer than the normal Scooby dinner, Anya insisting on the extravagance of a night out with everyone in their formalwear. Willow even surprised them during the second course with a toast to the bride and groom, her voice steady as she spoke of friendship and loyalty. And being Xander's best friend since kindergarten, she noticed when his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.
He jumped when she cornered him as he was exiting the bathroom. "Will, you shouldn't sneak up on a guy like that!"
"What's wrong, Xander?" she asked bluntly. "I saw your face when I talked earlier. Is there something wrong with what I said?"
He shook his head without looking at her. "No, it was a good toast. Thank you for doing that." He gestured behind them toward the dining rooms. "Should we go sit, or did you come down here to…" He indicated the bathroom.
"I want you to tell me what I said wrong," Willow said insistently. "Talk to me," she pleaded. "You don't talk to me since I got back. Not really." He didn't say anything, and she sighed. "Xander, I talked to you when I was in England. More than I talked to anyone else, I talked to you. Now I'm home and you can't say more than five words at a time to me."
"You left us, Willow," he said suddenly, his eyes still avoiding hers. "You left Tara. You left Buffy and Dawn." He sucked in a shuddery breath. "And you left me. You're my best friend…"
"Xander…"
"No, you wanted me to talk, so I'm talking," he cut her off. "It hurt, Willow. It hurts that you could just pick up and leave us without looking back. And you're right! We talked when you were in England! And I know the magic isn't my thing, but I would do anything to help you. You know that! But you didn't ask! You didn't ask me, or Buffy… Hell, Will, you didn't even ask Tara! You just ran! You needed us, and you just left." His shiny patent shoes dragged across the smooth tiled floor. "It just hurts to hear your stand up and talk about friendship and loyalty when you couldn't ask your best friends for help."
Willow had her eyes squeezed closed when he finally looked at her, the witch holding one hand against the wall to steady herself. "Willow…"
"No," she cut him off. "You're right, Xander. I didn't ask for help when I should have. I should have trusted my friends, the people that I love more than anything, to help me. I'm weak and selfish, and I'm sorry." She met his apologetic eyes with teary greens. "You'll never know how sorry I am, Xander."
"I know you are," he agreed. "I am too. But…" She gave him a shaky nod, prompting him to continue. "I think the worst part is that you didn't want to come home. You told Tara you weren't ready, but then you're here the next day, and you're staying, but if you didn't want to be here in the first place…"
"Xander, I wanted to be here every single day since I left!" Willow cut in. "And, you're right, I came home suddenly… to save Buffy's life. And I didn't think I was ready, but now that I'm here, with Tara, and Buffy, and Dawnie, and you…" There was a pointed edge in her voice. "I can't leave again." She blinked and tears broke slowly down her cheeks. "I thought I wasn't strong enough to stay, but I'm not strong enough to leave either." He took a hesitant step forward and she seized the lapels of his jacket to bury her face in his chest. "I need your help, Xander," she admitted hoarsely. "I need you to keep me strong."
"Strong enough to go?" he asked reluctantly. It wasn't what he wanted, but if it was what Willow needed, then he would do it.
Her head turned from side to side against his chest, her ear pressed to his thumping heart as she stilled. "Keep me strong enough to stay. Please." She looked at him, the sincerity clear in her eyes. "Don't let me run again. You guys deserve better than having to clean up my mess again. Tara deserves to have a partner that doesn't run out on her. Xander, don't let me go again."
His arms pulled her in tighter against him, his lips pressed to her hair. "I won't," he promised. "I love you, Will."
"I love you too," she said, giggling through her unsteady tears. "I told myself I wasn't going to cry at the wedding!"
He shrugged, squeezing her gently. "This is the rehearsal dinner," he reminded her. "Cry all you want."
It took her another second to regain control of herself, dabbing her eyes with the handkerchief he provided. "Thank you," she said sincerely and it was clear on her face that she wasn't just thanking him for the tissue.
"Anytime, Will," he agreed, voice hoarse with emotion. They stayed still, giving Willow a few minutes to calm down, and she wasn't expecting him to speak again. "I wasn't sure I could do this…"
"Do what?" she asked, wiping her tears away with the back of her fingers. "Cheer me up while I cry in a hall? I'm pretty sure you were a pro at that after the first grade," she joked.
"Get married," he corrected her, flinching when her wide green eyes met his.
"Xander…this is big. The wedding is tomorrow…"
He nodded, swallowing hard. "I know."
"Anya…Xander, this will kill her," Willow said, her brow furrowing.
"I know that! I said I wasn't sure!"
"What, and now you are sure?" she asked, starting to pace unconsciously. "Just like that?"
"You left, Willow! You left without saying anything, you know!" She flinched back from the bluntness, but he sighed and squeezed her shoulder. "I'm not saying it to make you feel bad. I'm trying to explain." She gave him a nod, not speaking. "I've been…having doubts for a long time, Will. And maybe I'm just as bad as you were because I didn't say anything. I could have spoken up a million times now and I haven't. Because I love Anya. I love her!"
"I know you do," Willow murmured.
"I love her and she wants to get married," he continued. "And I want her, for the rest of my life. That's what I want!"
"Then what's the problem?"
"What if I can't hack it? What if I can't make her happy? I've been so afraid, for months now! But then you left…" The witch frowned, wondering how her abandoning her life in Sunnydale could have possibly helped him with his dilemma. "And…I saw what it did to Tara," he continued slowly, obviously hesitant. Willow sucked in a shaky breath as she choked down fresh tears. "It was killing her, Will. Every day chipped another little piece of her away. And I know it was doing the same thing to you," he said, hating the pain in his best friend's eyes. "Because you are part of each other. She's half of you."
"More than half," Willow whispered shakily, grateful when Xander pulled her back into his chest. "She's everything."
"I know that, Will," he assured her softly. "That's what made it so clear for me. Anya's my Tara. I need her."
"Word of advice then," Willow said hoarsely. "Don't ever leave her. I've had more chances than I deserve."
He chucked, the sound rumbling in her ear against his chest. "I'm marrying her tomorrow," he said, voice strong and steady. "I just don't know who I am without her. And I don't want to ever find out."
"I'm glad my cautionary tale could help," Willow said, sniffling as she hugged him.
"I know you guys are still working on everything, but I'm glad it has a happy ending," he said, tilting his head down to kiss her hair.
Willow squeezed him tighter, grateful for his steady support. She sniffled, laughing unsteadily. "You're going to make me cry again," she croaked.
"Don't want that," he said, rubbing her back soothingly. "Have I told you that you look pretty tonight?"
"No," she said, still working to control her tears.
"Well, you do."
"Just wait till you see what your wife has got us wearing tomorrow," she advised him. "I'm your best man! How come I couldn't be in some kind of dashing tux or something?" she demanded.
He laughed, leaning back to grin. "This is Anya's show! You know that! We already pushed it back three months! I'm not going against her again!"
"Not even married yet and you're already whipped!" she complained. "So sad…" However, at that moment she caught the sound of her own name from Tara's lips and straightened up, both hands working to fix her makeup.
"Mm-hmm," Xander murmured with a smile. "And I'm the one who's whipped," he said, shaking his head. "It's a sad state of affairs."
"Shut up," Willow said, shoving his shoulder just as Tara appeared in the hallway.
"We were looking for you two," the blonde said, looking between the pair. "Is everything okay?" she asked, able to see the evidence of Willow's crying.
"I'm going to go before Anya comes hunting for me," Xander said quickly, squeezing Willow's shoulder before he moved around her. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "Tux or no, you're the best best man a guy could ask for."
He gave Tara tight smile as he moved around her and left the two of them alone. "Sweetie, are you okay?" Tara asked again, drawn closer helplessly.
Willow nodded without speaking, swallowing back further tears. Tara slowly wiped a tear from her cheek, other hand finding Willow's, Xander's handkerchief still in her fingers. "Come here," Tara coaxed. "We'll get you cleaned up." She led them into the women's bathroom, running water and carefully wiping the redhead's cheeks. "There's my pretty lady," she whispered as she finished, pleased to get a smile in response.
"Tara…" Willow's voice was hoarse and she cleared her throat. "You know how much I love you, right? Because I thought I did, but then it just gets bigger. All the time. Every minute. It's…unbelievable."
The blonde nodded, smiling sweetly. "Of course I do. It's the same way for me, Willow."
"And you know how sorry I am, don't you? About everything…"
Her lover's voice was cracking, and Tara stopped her words with two gently fingers on her lips. "Of course I do. Willow, what is this about?"
"I never want to hurt you again. I could never leave you again. Once was too much! I wanted to be strong for you, but I'm not strong enough to leave you again," she confessed, knowing that she was rambling.
Tara sucked in a surprised breath. "You want to leave?" she asked, hearing her heart pounding in her head. "Because I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't let you slip through my fingers again, so if you're g-going to leave, I'm not just going to s-stay here and w-wait this time," she said, hating the stutter in her voice, but gratified that she'd said it all without stopping. "I'm n-not losing y-you again."
Willow shook her head immediately. "No! No… Tara, I couldn't leave you again." She blinked, feeling fresh tears fall. "I love you." Anything else she was going to say was cut off as Tara kissed her, fingers in her hair pulling her closer. She took the opening Tara gave her, arms slipping around the blonde's waist as she clung to her.
"I'll fight to keep you," Tara breathed into a gap for air, her back thumping against the wall as they stumbled backward and collided with the flat surface.
"That's hot," Willow gasped, surprised to realize that she was smiling into the kisses. Abruptly the mood changed, still a touch desperate, but desperate to be closer rather than desperate to keep the other from going. "We're making out in a bathroom," Willow pointed out in between kisses. "At Xander's wedding rehearsal."
"Want to go back?" Tara asked, giggling.
"Not yet," Willow said, capturing her lover's lips again. "I can't get enough of you."
"Back at you." The kisses were breathless and fast, Willow's lips moving to Tara's jaw and neck as they grew short on air. Tara held her girlfriend to her neck for a brief moment before she reluctantly pushed back on her shoulders. "Wait, hon, we can't go back to the table with hickeys," she reminded her lover breathlessly.
Willow shifted her kisses back to Tara's lips, though the pace was less frantic than before. "I love you, Tara. And I'll never run again. I swear," Willow breathed into her neck as they broke the kiss to catch their breath before they had to rejoin the table.
"I love you too," Tara whispered, combing her fingers through long red hair. "If you ever run again, I'll just go with you."
Willow lifted her head with a dazzling smile that made Tara's heart pound again. "Deal," the witch agreed. She took another short, soft kiss. "Now, as much as I want to stay in here with you, this is still a bathroom at a restaurant and I want to continue this at home, so we should get back to the party."
"Good plan," Tara agreed, cupping Willow's face in one hand and smoothing her thumb under the redhead's eyes.
Their gazes stayed locked for a moment longer, Willow finally blinking to break the spell. "I love when you look at me like that, but I really can't handle it right now, here in this bathroom…" she admitted, feeling the helpless pull between herself and Tara. It was a pull that she never wanted to fight again.
"At least it's a nice bathroom," Tara mused, smiling as she felt the flush on Willow's cheeks renew itself under her hand. "But you're right," she said, letting her hand drop to the top of Willow's chest to hold her at a safe distance. "We're missing the party, and you're coming home with me tonight, so we should get out of here."
Willow nodded, sucking in air desperately. She cleaned up her face again, taking Tara's hand as they left the bathroom together. The others knew perfectly well where they'd been, and had more than a hunch what they might have been doing, but even Anya restrained herself from making a comment, distracted as she was by chattering endlessly about the wedding.
The other women weren't eager to wear the hideous dresses the ex-demon had chosen, but none of them wanted to dampen her enthusiasm the next day and they kept their mouths shut about the clothes.
However, even the matching ugly dresses couldn't stop them all from enjoying the ceremony and reception. They'd done their jobs, gotten the couple married off, and were enjoying the free food and drinks. Willow was chatting with Buffy at their table, Dawn having dragged Tara off to dance. Though the Slayer couldn't help laughing at her friend's obvious distraction, the witch constantly sneaking glances over Buffy's shoulder to watch Tara. "Are they dancing sexy or something?" she asked, taking a sip of her wine. "Should I be watching them too, or is it something I don't want to see?"
Willow blushed, rolling her eyes as she shifted her gaze from her girlfriend to her best friend. "Ha ha," she said flatly. "You're hilarious."
"Thank you," Buffy responded happily, grinning. "You were being all distracted by your girlfriend, and we were talking."
"Okay, fine," Willow agreed, faking longsuffering and giving the Slayer exaggerated attention. "What were we talking about?"
Buffy shrugged, still grinning. "I dunno." She laughed when Willow sent her an exasperated look. "If you want to dance with her you should just go dance with her. Dawnie won't care. She'll probably make that high pitched little squealing noise she makes whenever she sees the two of you together."
"Xander's family wouldn't really appreciate that audio or the visual," Willow pointed out, taking a sip of her own drink.
Buffy glanced over her shoulder at the milling crowds, the drinks successful in convincing the two halves of the wedding guests to mingle, only a few minor scuffles that had decreased as the night went on and everyone grew looser from the alcohol. "They don't seem to mind Tara and Dawn dancing together." She smirked at the witch. "Of course, you and Tara together isn't exactly like Tara and my sister dancing together."
Willow shot a look at her, eyes narrowed. "I would think not," she agreed mildly, watching the girls laughing as they danced to the music. The upbeat music faded and a slow song started.
"I think that's your cue," Buffy prompted, giving Willow a smile as she reached over and took the glass from the witch's hands. "Go get her," she said, nodding toward the dance floor as the redhead just stared at her.
Willow stood up and cut across the crowded room, surprising Tara with her proximity when the blonde turned around. "Hey. I was just coming to find you," Tara said, giving her a happy smile.
"Not that hard to do in these neon dresses," Dawn said, laughing as she skipped off into the crowd.
Tara gave their young friend a confused glance, attention drawn back to Willow as the redhead held up one hand. "Dance with me?" Willow requested sweetly.
"Of course," Tara answered, taking her hand and letting Willow lead them back onto the floor.
The steps were slow and Tara curled both arms around the redhead's shoulders. "You're beautiful," Willow murmured. "Even in these horrible dresses."
Tara laughed, fingers trailing through Willow's hair. "Well, thank you, sweetie. You're looking pretty good yourself."
Willow looked down at herself and laughed. "You really must love me," she said teasingly. "Cause you're not a liar, but this dress might be the most unflattering thing anyone has ever worn…"
"I guess I really love you, then," Tara agreed, kissing her softly. "How are you feeling?" she asked as they separated, Willow leading them through a turn.
"Feeling? I'm fine. Is there some reason I shouldn't be?" Willow asked, blinking at her in surprise. It had been a long three months, rebuilding their relationship from the ground up, but they were more solid now than they'd ever been, even after the night before and the small misunderstanding.
Tara shook her head, smile crooked and soft. "No, Willow. One of your best friends just got married. I'm just wondering how you're doing."
Willow smiled, twirling Tara suddenly, both of them laughing as they continued dancing. Xander and Anya were on the floor with them as well, the former demon having been convinced not to abandon the party entirely, though they had snuck out several times throughout the evening. "I'm happy for them," Willow said genuinely. "A little bit jealous too, I guess. If I'm being honest."
Tara shook her head as they turned. "Jealous of what?" She wasn't concerned about Willow's loyalty, but curious about her lover's meaning.
"He got to marry the girl he loves," Willow answered. "I want to too."
Tara blinked blue eyes, the smile growing on her face as her heart picked up its pace. "Well, have you asked her to marry you?" she asked, gratified when her voice didn't tremble. "Maybe she wants to too."
Willow gave her an intrigued look. "You think she might?" She spun Tara out again, sighing as the blonde returned to her and let their bodies press together, filling the space they'd kept between them previously with softness and warmth.
"I definitely think she might," Tara answered, breathing the words straight into her ear as Willow's arms curled around her waist to hold her close. Formal dance steps stopped and they were just swaying.
"Really? Well, what do you say?" Willow asked.
Tara laughed, shaking her head. "No, no way…" she denied with a wide smile on her lips. "That was not a proposal, Willow Rosenberg!"
The redhead grinned, giggling. "What do you want me to do then, sweetness? Want me to get down on one knee right now? Because I will… You just have to promise that you won't say no because I'm wearing this awful, awful dress!"
"No," Tara said, still laughing. "You don't have to do anything fancy."
"But better than 'what do you say?'" she guessed with a toothy grin.
"Yes, please," Tara murmured, her fingers trailing up and down the back of Willow's neck.
The redhead's grin became a tender smile. "I can definitely do that," she promised. "I already have a ring, you know…"
"How would I know that?" Tara asked with a laugh, shaking her head as she leaned forward to rest her head on Willow's shoulder, still touching her absently as they swayed.
Willow shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe you found it or something… It's been in there for a long time."
It took her a moment, but Tara lifted her head in surprise. "Wait a second… It's been where for a long time? And how long, exactly?"
Willow realized her misspeak, eyes wide. "Um…never mind?" she tried hopefully. "Forget I said that, please?"
"Did you buy me a ring a long time ago? But not more than nine months ago, right?" Tara asked in disbelief. Willow didn't answer vocally, but her answer was clear on her face. "And is it hidden in our bedroom? Where I lived for six months and never found it? Where on earth could you have hidden it?"
Willow shook her head. "I'll never hide anything from you again, but I'd rather not answer those questions," she requested.
Tara arched an eyebrow at her, lips pursed. "One answer?"
The redhead hesitated, nodding finally. "Okay," she agreed. "What would you like to know, my love?"
"How long have you had a ring?" Tara asked.
Willow swallowed, expecting that question, but not particularly wanting to answer it. "A little over a year," she mumbled, her face falling to look down.
"What?" Tara asked, surprised. Her hand rose to push Willow's head back up gently. "Sweetie, really?"
Willow nodded, feeling embarrassed. "Who knows? Maybe if I hadn't had to leave, we could have beat Xander and Anya down the aisle…"
"You've wanted to get married for that long?" Tara questioned, neither one noticing that they were no longer moving.
Willow coughed on her dry throat, blinking. "Well, we haven't even covered if you want to… I'm not really interested in marrying anyone else, just you."
Tara considered her without speaking. Of course she wanted to marry Willow, but she didn't want to pressure the redhead in any way. "It's the same for me," she said softly. "But only when you're ready." She smiled soothingly as Willow met her eyes. "You've had the ring for a year already, right?" Willow nodded sheepishly and Tara leaned in slowly. "Then take your time. Another year, another few years even, won't matter in the long run. We've got our whole lives together."
Willow started to close the gap, whispering against her lips. "Tara, marry me." She kissed her before the blonde could answer, the kiss slow and soft while Tara's hands rose to curl into red hair.
Dawn elbowed Buffy as the Slayer was drinking, causing her sister to send her a look. And then she noticed the witches kissing on the dance floor, and she couldn't help smiling.
"We're leaving to have sex now," Anya announced as she and Xander joined their little group.
"Don't you mean 'again?'" Dawn asked, smirking at the carpenter.
Xander blushed, shoving the teen's shoulder lightly. "Looks like we're not the only ones, either," he pointed out, indicating the still kissing pair.
"It's nice," Buffy declared, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched the proceedings. The party was winding down, but their group was still in the midst of the chaos of drunk family members trying to find the door. "Everyone is where they're supposed to be."
There was no disagreement from anyone. They'd all had to deal with what felt like more than their fair share in the last year. But they were all here, at Xander's wedding, together and, if not whole, working diligently on it. Xander was married, Buffy and Dawn were growing more accustomed to their lives together without Joyce, and Willow and Tara were whole and happy.
They didn't know what was coming next, but at this moment, life was perfect.
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Date: 2011-05-14 04:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-14 05:53 am (UTC)